You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Be still, my beating vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
