to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
