So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
