I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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