Kiss
Puke
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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