go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
