all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We don't watch enough power rangers
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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