you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
