So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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