in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
