you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
