Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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