I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So many bounce houses so little time
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
