I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
