Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
