I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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