I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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