real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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