her vagine was all disorganized.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
