He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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