why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize