Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
