The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
