Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
