I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
