Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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