my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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