how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
