I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
