my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
