well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
