Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
