Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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