You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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