Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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