I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
we should paint friendship bongs
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