i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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