I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
