having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had to cum in my sink.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
