my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
