the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
