SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
