hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
