Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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