Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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