I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
wow bdsm is so cute
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
