Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
