You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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