I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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