Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
