im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
