put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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