I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
