He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
