i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
