it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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