your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
