Can i not drive my cunt home
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
