Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
