Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I deserve this hangover.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
