I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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