i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
