I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
