No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
