Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
