Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
