He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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