when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
