Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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