five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
